After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
