I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
