whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
