In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
