I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
