you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
