People in love make me want to vomit
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
