I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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