she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
