peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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