We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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