My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
