I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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