yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
