I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
