Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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