capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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