sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
