drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
