i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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