she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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