I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
