I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Congratulations! We have a period
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
