My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
