Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
