I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
