My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
