Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
