We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
