At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
