white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
