Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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