the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
