This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
