My liver just broke up with me...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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