your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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