I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
