areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
