I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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