I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
