I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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