her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
