so explain again why im purple
no
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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