just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize