You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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