I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
