Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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