Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
