I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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