I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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