I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
