Your face is a jimmy john
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
