dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Text me some of your sweat
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