Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh god it's open bar.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize