My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
