I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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