You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
