Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
