this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
