He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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