we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
