She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
