i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
