dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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