Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize