Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
