Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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