Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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