you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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