I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize