eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
