shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
