if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
