i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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