So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just googled if crying burns calories
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
