I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
