You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
