Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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