Will you blow on my dice?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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