Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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