I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
