well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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