i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
