those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
