Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
