the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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