Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
