i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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