Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
