Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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